I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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