I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
