i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
