He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
