So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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