Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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