chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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