i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
