Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
