My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
