I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
