The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize