we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
