He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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