Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
