Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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