I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
