God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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