Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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