Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
