it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
