My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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