I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
