he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
