Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
