Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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