dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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