If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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