Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
