Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
