four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
