I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
