Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
