Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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