mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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