we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
