He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
