even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
