i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
