Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
