I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
