yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
