I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
