yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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