Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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