So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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