but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
