plz talk dirty to me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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