i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
