someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We left the knife in your bed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize