This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
