you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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