im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
