I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
