Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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