P.S. I can't hear my feet
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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