Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
