I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
