yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
