Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
