Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
