the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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