Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
