how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
