Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
