Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
