just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
