what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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